disappear

Bad all round - agency, chickens, cryptic bitch stuff

It hasn't been a good day at all. I felt low before the rest of the day started. Today's agency lunch call wasn't good & I got extremely poor support for my bath, which made me feel even more unsettled than I had been before & I ended up taking a risk which could have been dangerous for me :-( The very lovely get it perfect agency boss is leaving, he's been pretty much ousted. Worse still knowing agency things I can't really say, this comes immediately after my father's complaint (see yesterdays post) which made fools of all of us :-( This boss was Fantastic, the reason the agency had such high training and standards. This is harsh. I also leanrt of this Before the carers have, by the lovely but very sad letter he sent me.
I am also very unhappy & stressed about the chicken situation too. Its leaving me physically exhausted & cannot continue. I was out of breath for over an hour tonight after the attempted herding & eventual capture. And this is a good day, many days I can't bend :-(
Then there's the bloody "cryptic bitch" stuff that I can't talk about, I am finding that so hard :'(
fail, Urk

Father row - part three - he fks up with the agency

Wednesday evening my mother & I discovered that my father had emailed an agency boss stating that we were very unhappy that the hoovering wasn't being done on a Monday nor the carpet sweeper used on other days. (There was something else too but I've forgotten at the moment). Thing is, this is utterly crap, total invention. This is Being Done perfectly fine! He'd sent that earlier so the boss had already forwarded it to the other bosses, & presumably they would be upset knowing that staff Were doing it, that very day the Boss Mamma had done it herself here. So about 10.30pm he then sends a Sorry I got it wrong text. He completely claims my mother told him to say that the work wasn't being done, she did not. This is only days after he got another thing wrong with complaining to the agency. He could loose me my bloody care agency behaving like that. Each time he interfered with previous ones he'd got it all wrong. My mother & I had asked him many times Not to send anything or talk about anything without running it past us first as his inventions are disturbing & upsetting to those involved :-( With this accusation of work not done that Is being done it makes us look at the simplist fools, at the worst whinging, complaining trouble makers. The boss who forwarded it to his staff is made to look a fool. This isn't good enough :-( No wonder I'm low & weepy :-(

(Part One) (Part Two)
fail, Urk

Father row part two - he tells Herne I'd be visiting!!

A little after all that I learnt that without my knowledge my father had told Herneoakshield that I would be coming to Leeds on a Friday soon. I am not. I feel very aggrieved that he would say such a thing to a beloved friend who I've not seen in 4 years. Perhaps raising hopes & definitely raising phobic stress levels for him.
I expressed surprise that he would said that, without mentioning it to me. But I said no more. I didn't say how bad I found it nor how upsetting I found it. There's no possible way that I could do that currently which my father has to know & I feel so bad because I can't, and I would never have said such a thing. I feel guilty for this having been said & guilty because it's impossible & feel bad with myself because I can't.

(Part One here)
escape button

huge Father row - part one over the chickens

Today I've just felt very weepy. Part of the long day yesterday was that my father & I had a Huge row again. He's fkd up royally again by dropping me in it & causing upset & stress to others connected to me.
After my father went to bed to sleep yesterday, leaving my mother & I to do all the work yet Again & including after he had finally got up, we ended up having this massive row. My mother was utterly fkd off with him, as was I. We Needed his help & he wasn't ill or tired just bored. He won't help at home either.
Most of it was because of his Laziness. Then when we said we'd needed help with the coop he said I told you I was having nothing whatsoever to do with the chickens. This was bloody news to us. And Extremely insulting since it was He who without once consulting me, said I would take on the chickens. He utterly denies this & claims I'd always said I wanted to Own the chickens. No. I wanted them to have good care which is Not the same as expressing I wanted to own them. He Never asked me. I also have reservations about my ability to look after them since many days I can't look after myself. He also said that I'd said once I knew that the neighbours were leaving that I'd like to have the chickens (whereas I'd actually assume that someone moving away would take their pets with them!). This statement is astounding because it was he who announced that they were leaving in the same sentence as I said you'd take the chickens. I am angry. I also have other reservations as Sandi was trying the gate into the woods tonight (it originally led to her coop) instead of going to her coop here where she'd been pecking nearby, she was 40 minutes late going to bed & clearly wanted to go to bed & we both got rather stressed & fking knackered. I Can't do that every day & certainly not with more chickens. I'd never had chickens before because I'd always thought that I wouldn't be able to look after them, then my visitors arrived. But I wasn't responsible for them :-/

(post so long splitting it into three parts)
Chicken C

The coop

The coop was cleaner than expected but still needed a good clean out. Its a damn good size as I'd never seen it close to before. The run is 8ft by 3ft, height rises from 2'8" to 5'2". The actual coop is 3ft wide up to 2'8" at the apex.
Chicken C

One Proud Chicken Mummy :-D

Yup, at long last my Sandi (note the MY :-)) is a very happy chicken :-) I finally got the coop yesterday & became a chicken mother. This photo shows our Sandi coming back out her coop in surprise to find fresh clean bedding, after the fresh clean water & fresh new food :-)

Other than 2 minutes distress when she realised she couldn't get out as I'd closed the run door which she'd been used to being left permanently open (so the Fox could get in) she then settled to investigate. We were advised to have one area of straw, rest wood shavings & as I just said she came back out again looking quite surprised & happy. This morning when I first looked out she wasn't there & I panicked thinking all the stress & change lately had killed her. Dressed I looked out again & she was wandering up & down the run, I took a handful of mealworms & was greeted with excited clucking :-D I released one very happy, content & Chatty chicken who I found in the kitchen when I got back up. (She's chatted more today than combined in the weeks following the death of her last companion.) I looked in at coop & found a deep hen shaped indent in the straw where it appears she'd snuggled down contentedly too, awww :-) Which is exactly what Tilly said when he saw it too :-D
  • I am feeling: Content
midnight skies, starry nights

A Beautiful Summers Night

Beautiful night out there, the sky is dark, a little overcast from a very faint, soft & gentle rain, the scent of the honeysuckle lies heavily in the Air. Its so hot I could sleep out there in the garden under the protection of the woods. The Fox is calling nearby, beautiful & haunting to hear but I pray the Gods protect my little Sandi asleep innocent and unprotected in her coop, until I am the one responsible for her wellbeing & safety. Its just hours to go before her owners move away & my little feathered friend becomes mine, keep her safe my Gods, genius loci & the land.
  • I am listening to: The pulsing energy of the land
help yourself, luminous

*bangs head on desk*

Would you just *THUMP* excuse me a minute *THUMP* whilst I just Bang my head *CRASH* against this *BANG* sodding brick wall? *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP*

Translation: I'm No further forward regarding the advisory groups legal/situation advice today. In fact it's clashing info on the tiny bit we got before. Oh & they've found NOTHING at all whatsoever to assist /guide me with, there seems to be No advice at all. They've referred me to a specialist local charity they 'think' is still going as their website is still up.... And that's it. There really is nowhere after this if they can't assist :-( It's a complete & utter legal nightmare :-(
domestic stuff, housework

Eight Days in one

Quick summary of last 8 days.Violent Ogilves attack Saturday week ago, am vaguely human again. Bloody head & neck pain nasty tonight, been building 3 days that from inflammation :-( Have got the next legal /advisory meeting tomorrow & am rather edgy for that. Had no bloody Signal yesterday for around 13 hours, this time my mother's signal was down And Tillys too when here. We couldn't ring/receive calls, text & had no Internet. Sandi nearly gave me heart failure by pulling a mini vanishing act for a few hours. Sure there's bits I've missed. So anyway I'm sort of OK.
Chicken C

Feathered friends

It's funny how the totally unexpected chance to be the official 'mum' to the Chickens lifted my depression.Now down to the last sad solitary chicken Sandi, on Thursday she went missing, wasn't here for brekkie & I'd searched the garden & edge of the wood twice. Nothing. Later unpacking the shopping with the agency boss who'd brought it back I heard to my fear a chicken alarm call. We went out, found Sandi a little inside the wood calling away in panic. She started to calm down after a while & came back into the garden. Then ran after me to the house :-D
I'd felt so low thinking she'd also gone. I can finally see her coop now, it's coming nearer to mine. Today it's moved again nearer to mine.
Friday evening I looked over & there she was in the coop to go to bed, I've never seen that before, I came back out with the binoculars & she saw me standing there, her only friend now.... Bless her, she started to come back towards me! I called out Night night & popped around the corner so she couldn't see me.
I feel so sorry for her that's she's all alone now & until I have the coop here I can't even consider getting her any friends. It had never been my intention to have chickens here but still they've arrived.
These feathered friends of mine have been so lovely, their company, behavior & mannerisms so funny & comical. Sandi still officially won't be mine until the end of the week. I can only hope that she makes it to then.
They'd been with me visiting my garden & me from dawn til dusk daily since November when Flossie first appeared, then Penny, Sandy & Henrietta followed her here. Sadly in the last 7 weeks Penny died, then Flossie then Henrietta so Sandi is all alone now. I have just been trying to keep her happy & occupied without her friends. Fingers & feathers crossed... :-)
sanity

Toad in the (bog) hole!

Staff at a nature reserve were startled to find a toad firmly wedged up under the rim of a toilet bowl in the staff rest room. The large fella needed a fair bit of assistance to get him out. Must have been a hell of a shock to the toad and the staff who'd probably unknowingly peed or worse on him!
Toad in the bowl