joyous freedom

Nocturnal Visitors

Beautiful young fox is down again in the garden. This is the fourth night I'm aware of his being here. His second visit had 4 cats growling at him as he tried to work out what they were and he kept bobbing up & down, back & forth to peer at something in the kitchen doorway. This turned out to be Tom, my very large ginger cat all bushed up & whom foxy probably thought was a fellow fox! Third visit I accidentally really scared foxy away but tonight he's back. So beautiful. And just outside the bedroom window :-) Tonight's other visitor was nearly flattened. I never saw him on the kitchen floor & by the time I got to catch him he'd bounced into the living room!
destruction, self destruction, head fucked

Lammas 2016

Yet another painful difficult Lammas, I can't even write what this one is about other than connected to the legal situation. Yet again more terrifying news, this is becoming unendurable. All the legal guidance and advise, no matter how extremely specialised the advice is, keeps changing. My entire life and endurance of what is to follow is caught up and trapped in this.

domestic stuff, housework

Diaries Update 2

The top right pic has a silver Santa and the words Ho Ho FKN Ho on that diary so presumably Yule was not a happy time and the diary with 'Fuck It All' on the front wasn't a particularly good time either! And yes, bottom left Is a proper Hogwarts notebook!

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right back

Diaries Update 1

Funny thing these pics, these are my diaries from 9th September 2015 to 24th July 2016. Looks like a lot hey? Except This is Less than usual! My diaries have of late been my solace in the legal situation that I can't talk about. I write to get the pain out but I can't *write* like I used to. My heart hasn't been in it, so perhaps these are of my sorrow.

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candle magic, candle

At least 84 killed in Terror Attack in Nice on Bastille Day

From the BBC news online....
At least 84 people have been killed, including more than 10 children, after a lorry slammed through a crowd celebrating Bastille Day in the southern French city of Nice.
The driver ploughed on for 2km (1.2 miles) on the Promenade des Anglais at about 23:00 local time on Thursday, before being shot dead by police.
Witnesses say the lorry swerved in an apparent attempt to hit more people.
84 at least dead, over 200 injured, over 50 critically injured. Many of the injured and dead include children. The Bastille Day celebrations are for families, culminating in the fireworks. Children enjoying the fireworks, enjoying the treat of being up late and not tucked up in bed. Ten children are dead now, maybe more from their injuries, many have lost parents. This fucking World we live in. Where US led air strikes, the French heavily involved in the bombings there, how many children are dead unreported by our media from there? :-( Why the FUCK does man have fight??? :'(

Guns and a grenade found inside the lorry were reported to be fakes.
President Francois Hollande, who is in Nice, said the attack was of "an undeniable terrorist nature".
He said the battle against terrorism would be long as France faced "an enemy who will continue to hit countries who see liberty as their essential value".
A state of emergency, in place since November's Paris attacks carried out by militants from the so-called Islamic State group, in which 130 people died, has been extended by three months.
The attack in Nice began shortly after the end of a firework display on the seafront for Bastille Day, which is the country's national holiday. The waterfront was packed with families viewing the fireworks display.

What witnesses saw:
"I heard lots of screams and everybody was running in different directions. I didn't know what was going on, it felt surreal and I didn't move but thought it must be some kind of practical joke.
"Then I saw the truck coming straight at me swerving all over the place. It was perhaps 50 yards away. After that there was no conscious thought, my body took over, time slowed down and I ran and thank God I got out of the way," said Pouya, from Toronto.
After this is the most terrible disturbing picture, a child's body, the bobble of a woolly hat visible lies covered on the ground, beside the child is a doll :'(
Witness Colin Srivastava: "Police said: Run, now"
Nader el-Shafei told the BBC he saw the driver face-to-face for about a minute: "He was very nervous… looking for something around him, I kept yelling at him and waving my hands to stop... he picked up his gun and started to shoot police."
Afterwards he said he ran towards the beach with others, fearing the driver, who was then shot by police, would detonate the lorry.
Who were the victims?
Tourists and residents of Nice were among those who died. Two American citizens, a Ukrainian, a Russian and a Swiss woman are among the 84 victims. Mr Hollande said 50 injured people were in a critical condition "between life and death". Many of the victims were foreigners, he said.
Fondation Lenval, the children's hospital in Nice, says it has treated some 50 children and adolescents, including two who died during or after surgery.
Some 30,000 people were on the Promenade des Anglais at the time of the attack, officials said.

Analysis by BBC security correspondent Frank Gardner
The lorry appears to have bullet holes on the windscreen. This is not the first time in recent years that someone has deliberately driven a truck into pedestrians on a French street. But the scale, speed and death toll from this apparent attack are unprecedented.
It follows an earlier call by so-called Islamic State (IS) spokesman Abu Muhammad al-Adnani for IS followers to do exactly what this truck driver did. This, and other calls for attacks in Europe, are partly in response to the significant losses being experienced by IS to the shrinking territory it controls in Syria and Iraq.
US-led airstrikes, including by French warplanes, are taking a particularly heavy toll there. At home, France has become the number one target of opportunity for IS and its supporters, unperturbed by the national state of emergency that has just been extended.

What we know about the attacker
Will Shore, eyewitness: "You could see the fear in people's faces"
No group has so far said it was behind the attack.
The identity papers of a 31-year-old French-Tunisian were found in the lorry, which was reportedly rented out two days earlier in the suburb of Saint-Laurent-du-Var.
The man has been named by local media as Mohamed Lahouaiej-Bouhlel, although not by police.
Tunisian security sources said he was married with three children and came from the Tunisian town of Msaken. He visited Tunisia frequently, the last time eight months ago.
He reportedly lived on the Route de Turin in Nice and had been in trouble with the police in the past for petty crime, but he was not on the watch list of radicalised young men.
Residents of his apartment building said he was a loner who did not respond when they said hello.
Response and reaction
Francois Hollande: "Horror has come down on France once again"

Mr Hollande praised security forces and medical personnel, adding: "We will overcome suffering because we are a united France." He said earlier that "operational reserves" would be deployed to support the army and security forces across the country, with particular focus on the borders

French Prime Minister Manuel Valls has declared three days of national mourning, starting from Saturday. Social media video showed people fleeing after the incident.
US President Barack Obama condemned "in the strongest terms" what he said appeared to be "a horrific terrorist attack in Nice"
UK Prime Minister Theresa May said she was "shocked and saddened by the horrifying attack in Nice"
Nice's jazz festival has been cancelled and Marseille has announced it is cancelling a fireworks show planned for Friday evening
The hashtag #PrayForNice is trending worldwide and in France #NousSommesUnis (we are united) is also trending

Timeline of terror: France's deadliest Islamist attacks
The attacks on a concert hall, restaurants and the Stade de France in Paris on 13 November left many dead
June 2016 - man claiming allegiance to so-called Islamic State kills two police officials in Magnanville, near Paris
November 2015 - multiple attacks on Paris by seven gunmen and suicide bombers kill 130 people and injure more than 350 in the deadliest terror attack in French history
June 2015 - man with suspected links to Islamist radicals decapitates his boss after ramming his car into an area containing flammable liquids at factory in Lyon
January 2015 - three days of attacks by gunmen in Paris leave 17 people dead, starting with an attack on the office of satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo and ending in two sieges
March 2012 - a gunman kills seven in Toulouse and Montauban, including a teacher and three children at a Jewish school

Horrific Terror Attack in Nice kills 84, over 200 injured.

in the news

Army Coup In Turkey - mass confusion

Yet more WTF?? From the BBC article "An army group in Turkey says it has taken over the country, with soldiers at strategic points in Istanbul and jets flying low in the capital, Ankara.
A statement read on TV said a "peace council" now ran the country and there was a curfew and martial law.
It is unclear who the group is or its level of support. Some top army officials are said to be detained.
President Recep Tayyip Erdogan said he would overcome what he called an uprising by a minority.
Reports are coming of two explosions at parliament building in Ankara.
People across Turkey are very confused and surprised, the BBC's Katy Watson in Istanbul says.

In Washington, US President Barack Obama urged all parties in Turkey to support the "democratically elected government". Nato called for "full respect" for Turkey's democratic institutions."
Army Coup In Turkey - mass confusion

once i had a lifed z life

Clusterfuck of Mindfuck of Fuck it all proportions

Dear Stupid Fucking Bitch, well done on the going backwards thing. Nine, ten years clear.

Did it help? *Yes*.
Do you feel any better for it? *Partly*
Are you still trapped? *yes*
Will it change anything? *yes/no. Outlet.*
Do you feel broken? *yes*
Were you Stupid enough to think you'd actually found a way today out of the horrific legal situation you're trapped in? *yes*
Is the legalities of it all, that you can't talk about, is it tearing you apart? *yes*

Having been trapped in this limbo for 15 months, how are you finding it? *fucking shite*
Is your head numb? *yes*
Do your arms hurt? *yes, but not as much as they should*
If you wrote on your skin in ink or carved in blood what would you write? *help me. Malfunction. Lost. Trapped. Let me out. Help. Help. Help. Trapped. Trapped. System Failure. Reboot. Dying.*
I don't want this future, I don't want this Pain, I don't want to lose everything that means so Much to me and is my world. I chose alienation, isolation by, choice, it is NOT my choice to lose that. Today the worst, the worst. I can't Help disability, I can't Help what the diseases, All of the Bastards do to me. I can't help that they'll get worse. That I'll get worse. Accept when I say what to expect from them, I have enough to deal with, don't ignore my words based on experience and personal physical loss. Understand I no longer write, I can't explain well and the legal gagging only breaks me further. I can't do this alone but I can't say what's happening. What a clusterfuck of a mindfuck of the biggest fucked up situation I'm completely trapped in for life. Until I die. Trapped in a death until death. Life you fucker, FUCK OFF.