strength, battles, trouble

...

My beloved wonderful fantastic mother and my best friend died around 1.30am

I love you Norah and I will miss you every day for the rest of my life

She never got to see this place once I'd moved in last week, I was trying to get it reasonably nice and easy to move around it for her. Too late. I didn't have time to see her as trying to get on with moving and every visit before was rushed and fucking just a few minutes because of the fucking move that I didn't want. I'm around the corner from them....... But not how it was meant to be

Oh dear Gods, what do I do now??
despair, hiding away, shame, sorrow

Home

If I still drove I would have returned to my beloved cottage, my home last night and let myself in. Laid down on the rug still on the living room floor and ensured I slept without waking ever again
The cottage envelopes people, it holds and comforts and gives peace and love 💗 I miss it Brutally

This place is sterile, all my things, all my designs but it's not my cottage and it's not my home. I'm asked what do I think of it? "The cats love it" and no one notices my answer

If I could have returned to my home and stayed there forever last night I would have stayed for eternity

I want to go home 😢😢😢
Thoughtful

Together In Electric Dreams - Human League

I only knew you for a while,
I never saw your smile,
Till it was time to go
Time to go away (time to go away)

Sometimes its hard to recognise,
But comes as a surprise
And its too late
It's just to late to stay (to late to stay)

We'll always be together,
However far it seems (love never ends)
We'll always be together,
Together in electric dreams

Because of the friendship that you gave,
Has taught me to be brave,
No matter where I go,
I'll never find a better prize (find a better prize)

Though your miles and miles away,
I see you everyday,
I don't have to try,
I just close my eyes,
I close my eyes.

We'll always be together,
However far it seems (love never ends)
We'll always be together,
Together in electric dreams.


Songwriters: Giorgio Moroder / Phil Oakey
tortoruous

I Think I'm Paranoid - Garbage

I Think I'm Paranoid - Garbage

You can look but you can't touch,
I don't think I like you much,
Heaven knows what a girl can do,
Heaven knows what you've got to prove

I think I'm paranoid and complicated,
I think I'm paranoid, manipulated.

Bend me, break me,
Anyway you need me,
All I want is you.
Bend me, break me,
Breaking down is easy,
All I want is you.

I fall down just to give you a thrill,
Prop me up with another pill,
If I should fail, if I should fold
I nailed my faith to the sticking pole.

I think I'm paranoid, manipulated,
I think I'm paranoid, too complicated.
Bend me, break me,
Anyway you need me,
All I want is you.
Bend me, break me,
Breaking down is easy,
All I want is you.

I think I'm Paranoid.
I think I'm Paranoid.

Bend me, break me,
Anyway you need me,
All I want is you.
Bend me, break me,
Breaking down is easy,
All I want is you.

Steal me, deal me, anyway you heal me,
Maim me, tame me, you can never change me.
Love me, like me, come ahead and fight me,
Please me, tease me, go ahead and leave me.

Bend me, break me,
Anyway you need me.
As long as I want you baby it's alright.
Bend me, break me,
Anyway you need me,
As long as I want you baby it's alright.
destruction, self destruction, head fucked

Report

Subject - Female
Age - 40 something
Sexuality - Asexual
Condition - fucked in the head, broken
Triggers - never saw that coming, memories, wants, life, confused, move, pain, father, agency, wheelchair invisibility, you name it.
Symptoms - extreme high, extreme lows, hyper, fear, frustration, need, don't know what I need, severe mood swings
Need - fighting the urge to self harm. Fighting the need to contact.
Outcome - unknown

Recommendations - unknown
candle, candle magic

RIP Jeremy Hardy

Incredibly sad to hear the news that comedian Jeremy Hardy has passed away from cancer aged just 57. He could do political comedy, getting the point across without lecturing, he was an activist of so many rights. He was a fabulous man. I have loved him in so much, The News Quiz, I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue where he was pretty much the youngest regular panelist. I'd noticed he was missing from The News Quiz but I thought that he was maybe recording something else. I have CDs of his Jeremy Hardy Stands Up for the Nation and Hamish and Dougal where he played the Laird with Barry Cryer, Graham Garden and Alison Steadman. He was phenomenal, clever, witty and oh he will be sorely missed 😞❤
Tributes to Jeremy Hardy